Avoiding the “B” Word
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- Details
- Category: Education
- Last Updated on Sunday, 22 May 2011 09:10
- Written by Terri Garlick
By Amy Shinohara, Member, Board of Education
Bullying is a very volatile issue, and one that no one wants to own. Schools would like to blame parents, parents would like to blame schools, and no one wants to admit there may be a problem. The truth is, this is an issue that so intertwines home and school, the best outcomes happens when both parts of the child’s life are in-sync on this issue.
Currently, 44 states have anti-bullying laws (CT is one of them). But each state has its own definition of bullying and, in most cases; these definitions are vague and open to interpretation. The one thing everyone seems to agree on is that the term “bully” immediately puts people on the defensive. Perceived victims are the only ones who want to own this term. As a parent, if you receive a phone call from the school saying that your child has been involved in a bullying situation, your first reaction is most likely to be a defensive one. Likewise, if a parent calls the school to report a bullying incident, the school’s first reaction is going to be a defensive one.
Dr. Jo Ann Freiberg, Consultant for School Climate at the Connecticut State Department of Education, suggests we adopt different language in dealing with these situations. If a parent receives a phone call saying that their child has been involved in some mean/inappropriate behavior, they’ll be more receptive to that information (after all, what child isn’t at some point mean to someone or inappropriate in their actions). And if a parent calls the school to say they’re concerned about some behavior on the playground, the school is more likely to listen and act on that information.
As parents, it’s our obligation to inform the school if we believe our child has been involved in any mean-spirited behavior. And perhaps even more importantly, we need to follow-up with the school if the behavior doesn’t stop. Schools take these issues very seriously and always act on the information they’re given.
If our child has been the victim of mean-spirited behavior, we want to know that the “perpetrator” is being dealt with in a way that we deem satisfactory. The problem is, schools are prevented from discussing this type of information by federal law. So as parents, we will never be able to know how the other party is being dealt with. The best thing for us to watch is the outcome. Did the behavior stop? If so, then know that the situation has been handled and don’t ask for the details. If the behavior hasn’t stopped, then we need to go back to the school to make them aware of that. Too often, we get angry that “the school hasn’t done anything.” I can assure you the school has always done something, but they need to know if what they’ve done is not working. Perhaps it worked for a while, but now the behavior is back.
We can never stop communicating.
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